Pop Pole Quiz! What kind of pole student are you?

I have been teaching pole dance now for many years. I've noticed over the years that there are several distinct categories of pole students. So I have designed this little list of pole student categories, for you to determine what type of pole student you are. Study this guide carefully and make your decision - what kind of pole student are you?

The Kamikaze The Kamikaze strikes fear in a pole teacher's heart. The Kamikaze appears unconcerned by the concept of gravity. The Kamikaze has no regard to the fundamental rule of pole: that failure to have the pole wedged firmly into some crevice of your body will mean that you will likely plunge to the ground.

The Kamikaze will nod and agree while the teacher gives firm, clear instructions on how to avoid falling off the pole when attempting a new move. Then, once the teacher steps away, the Kamikaze throws themself gleefully and with reckless abandon at the pole, caring not for their own safety nor that of innocent bystanders.

Fortunately, Kamikaze pole students also seem to be blessed with an uncanny knack for somehow managing to save themselves from face-planting at the last minute. And so they live to Kamikaze pole dance another day.

These students are what Public Liability Insurance was invented for.

Tip: Try to avoid giving your teacher a heart attack by always having at least one arm or leg on the pole at a time.

See below for my artistic interpretation of a Kamikaze. You will notice that she has only one hand on the pole, and both her legs are nowhere near the pole. This move has not yet been attempted anywhere (except perhaps for an 8 year old child somewhere in the former Soviet Union). Not recommended for anyone who is not an 8 year old child somewhere in the former Soviet Union.

NB: I know I will soon be tagged in pictures of people successfully doing this move.

The Former Jazz Dancer

The Former Jazz Dancer knows that there is dance magic in mathematics. She loves nothing better than a well-counted routine, where each move falls neatly into an 8 count. If you look closely, you can see her mouth moving ever so slightly as she dances, "ONE, two, three, four, FIVE, six, seven, eight..."

Nothing frustrates the Former Jazz Dancer more than a pole teacher who can't count properly. You can spot the Former Jazz Dancer by the exasperated expression on her face at the end of this conversation with her teacher:

Student: "So do we step on 3, or 5?" Teacher: "Ummm, I don't know... What did I just do?" Student: "You stepped on 3." Teacher: "Ok, 3 then." Student: "But before that, you stepped